Thursday, May 07, 2009

The Joke's on the Lawyer

This is a species I love to hate and I guess most people will agree wholeheartedly. Save for a few who are God fearing, interpret and apply the law as it is constituted, the vast majority are arrogant scum who would have no qualms of sleeping with their mothers to save their own skin! The worst of the lot are the hypocritical ones who affect an innocent mien while their cloaking their perfidy in glib talk and cultured appeareances whilst rabble rousing the hoi polloi for their selfish ends. Much of the sufferings in the world is due to this group of charlatans who have basically no conscience much less class. So enjoy the jokes, i will tee up here for you . Surely they deserve to be the butt (pun intended) of jokes:

1.A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the country when their car expired. They set out to find help, and came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door, the farmer explained that he had only two beds, and one of the three had to sleep in the barn with the animals. The three quickly agreed. The Rabbi said he would sleep in the barn and let the other two have the beds. Ten minutes after the Rabbi left, there was a knock on the bedroom door. The Rabbi entered exclaiming "I can't sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there. It's against my religion to sleep in the same room with a pig!"

The Hindu said HE would sleep in the barn, as he had no religious problem with pigs. However, about five minutes later, the Hindu burst through the bedroom door saying "There's a COW in the barn! I can't sleep in the same room as a cow! It's against my religion!"
The lawyer, anxious to get to sleep, said he'd go to the barn, as he had no problem sleeping with animals. In two minutes, the bedroom door burst open and the pig and the cow entered...

2. The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the American Bar Association was outraged, and filed suit, but the NIH presented some very good reasons for the switch.1) The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a lawyer.2) Lawyers breed faster.3) Lawyers are much cheaper to care for and the humanitarian societies won't jump all over you no matter what you're studying.4) There are some things even a rat won't do.However, sometimes it very hard to exterpolate our test results to human beings.

3. For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"
"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."

More jokes the next time....Cheers

No comments: